Colour is power

A list of things beautiful today;

(Not in numerical order)

1. The happiest baby laughing in a car park. I mean truly, it was joyous.
2. Finding a set of  ceramic scales your best friend wrote on, in the days when you worked at the same place and had too much fun to call it work.
3. Realising your new space reminds you of the house you would like to live in. I'm calling the new studio 'the barn'.
4. Hand washing Indian textiles. Colour is power so I am told. I will hold this in my heart.
5. Singing songs to Nan about radiotherapy, she has only one more session to go! Cmon!
6. That new traffic light at the end of the road, it has a new green man button. It's nice. It's different to all the other buttons, it's sort of convex and it feels good to push.
7. Seeing the hysterical tears of a colleague as he explains the jerry springer musical.

The Journey Sequence

I've been scrabbled recently, I mean well and truly scrabbled, In a bid to regain a sense of self I've been cutting things out, trying to find the back to basic in my day to day. The laughter I had was dried up. I suppose the point to my writing was to be in search of the small and wonderful things that happened in my day, but somewhere between February and July I got a bit lost, I started looking less, became a bit robotic in my approach to getting through my day, which worked, all those boxes were ticked, but I had forgotten about the little things.

I have started reading more, and in doing so I am learning, mostly about yoga. I could talk to you at length about tension and compression in my practise. I learned to sail a boat by myself, not with anyone else in it (I still have a long way to go), I remembered how much I love sport and have taken up running, and more importantly I'm feeling a bit more present in my day to day.

Today during my Yoga practise, the little cat, decided she would help me, which made my movements much more challenging, and I couldn't help but laugh at her persistence.

I also enjoyed the smell of my new bicycle wheels (shhh don't tell anyone) !

Wellington swirling bird fish catching

I've been finding it hard to write of recent.

Things have been busy.

Today was a water based wellington chilly kind of a day. In constant pursuit of small and wonderful treasures in the spaces between, I saw a bird carry off a fish from the lake. The fish was quite large. It surprised me a lot. Who knew birds could carry such weight?!

There was magic found in swirling my feet in the water, the sounds of the lapping against the pontoon, was somewhat rhythmic and drum beat-esque.

Cats catching flies.
Cats in bird baths.
The warmth of the sun.
Picnic tea in the garden.
Cheeky beer.
Washing up to Carole King.
The sound of my girl laughing at hideous and questionable vines with her father.
Warm socks.
Blankety films.

It's easy to overlook the little things.

Glitter, pigeon, feet, crutches

Usually I would check this before sending.

However. I drank wine this evening and thought I'd leave it as it comes out of my fingers.

1. I saw a man in pigeon park (outside st Philips cathedral) look like he was going to whip out his penis and pee on a pigeon. It was a combination of angle, distance and perspective. It's was very very scary and very funny in equal measure. I laughed out loud. And then I laughed some more. He wore adidas trousers and navy blue.

2. A lady, who I presume was homeless, was washing her feet in the sink at the REP theatre this evening. She then tried to voodoo the man who told the manager. I felt sad. I would have let her use the sink. She was very angry and said the man would never have any other money in his life forever.

3. I saw two people who went to see the play readings afterwards on broad street- he liked her- it made me smile how they flirted so gently.

4. I had to tell the above stories to the man who sat next to me on the bus, who was on crutches because he fell off a ladder. I asked him about his day. He asked me about mine. It was awkward and not at the same time. I liked him because he had a support the NHS badge on. When he left we said goodbye and I wished his legs were better soon. I suggested he burn the ladders ceremoniously.

5. When I got off the bus I went to tesco where a man was asking what tomatoes were and if they were sweet because he only ate sweet things. The person who worked in tesco described them in a marks and spencer type way. It made me laugh.

6. When I got home I realised how much glitter was in the floor of the kitchen and bathroom. It's so dazzling it makes your eyes feel unfocused. I like it and hate it in equal measure.

7. I learned what bomb paragraph means- if you don't know look it up.

8. I made tea with sugar in it- which is odd because I don't partake in sugar.

9. PS the same two people got on the bus home as were also on my journey into Birmingham.

This evening was strange.


Thank you for allowing me to share it with your eyes.

There is space

There is a space in my home where you can sit and watch the colours of the world change. The sky moves across the frames, like Turner paints, the colours, the movement of clouds. It is all the things I love. Sometimes I can sit for a long time, watching the light fade, watching the birds pass over, and I feel this connection with the world. It takes me on this journey, from light to dark, from blue to pink to green to deep navy. At night the moon shines down, it casts it shaddows and illuminates the tansparent shapes like a secret ice cave.

Tonight it glows with the fading embers of the day, it is calm now, it is calm.

My heart slows, it is thankful for all the colours of the day.

Grlpwr

The day was particularly grey. I worked with the girls and the second years today. There are some interesting things starting to happen. with cardboard. Never underestimate the ways in which cardboard can be used. It's like a cross between Mona Lisa smile and spice world the movie.

A student asked how to use the photocopier, which was very funny because it wasn't working very well. We decided we were never going to get back those precious minutes we lost there today.

My passport arrived.

I met an interesting girl who was very articulate and interested in the oppression of young women in today's society.

Girl power is underrated.

I have not seen fat Bobby for a few days, except to find black clumps of furrrrr upstairs...


Awkward ...

All the small things...

Mostly the day was about people;
I worked with people.
We talked about communication pie.
A little coaching happened.
I spent time with my mentee (chamomile tea)
I observed teaching

But

The most beautiful thing in my day was J. It got passed nine, and as I went to take her hot water bottle to her, she attacked me. Like a fat Bobby wild thing. She chased me through the upstairs of the house, scratching and biting my clothes. We laughed a lot. It is in these moments I am happiest. The hilarity that ensued between us is like no other I share with anyone. The love I have for this human cannot be described. I asked her to pause. And we absorbed the moment. One day when we are old, I said, we will reminisce about the evening we spent carrying Mimi our black kitten around in an IKEA bag, and role playing Fat Bobby attacks!

This
Is
The
Magic.



End.

I hear you Pablo

I have not written because life has been joyfully overflowing.

There has been;

Cement slab lifting
Soil mud muddying
Jetty building
Sailing
Laughter,
More laughter
Sunshine absorbing
Blue sky wondering
Observations
Paperwork
3 minute Mama Mia
Walking
47 flights of stairs
21,673 steps (since Saturday)
Fat Bobby attacks


And a beautiful poem from Pablo Neruda, for you, obviously.

I made these sonnets out of wood; 
I gave them the sound of that opaque pure substance, 
and that is how they should reach your ears. 
Walking in forests or on beaches, 
along hidden lakes,
 in latitudes sprinkled with ashes, 
you and I have picked up pieces of pure bark, 
pieces of wood subject to the comings and goings of water 
and the weather. 
Out of such softened relics, then, 
with hatchet and machete and pocketknife, 
I built up these lumber piles of love, 
and with fourteen boards each I built little houses, 
so that your eyes, which I adore and sing to, 
might live in them.
Now that I have declared the foundations of my love, 
I surrender this century to you: 
wooden sonnets that rise only because you gave them life.

Fat-BOBBY. The saga continues.

There is this cat.

We call her Fat Bobby. Her face is the shape of a pie. Her body like a dense tree trunk slumped in the moss. Her aim. To eat all of my cat food.

This cat is torturing my cats. It comes in, stealth Nina style, eats the food, then leaves. I have come to understand that it must know it's way around my house to get out so quickly. Heaven knows how this fat beast fits through my cat flap.

Last night after moving the food to the front room, I found her, head in the bag of food still in the kitchen. I moved it upstairs, there again she found it. 5am, ozzy growling all industrial machine-like. Scared me. I chased her down the stairs.

I may have to set a trap. A fat Bobby food trap. Or poster the streets. War is upon me and I will not back down to this greedy monster.

Tonight.

I lock the Cat flap.

Sweaty dogs, albino ducks and tall badgers (FAT BOBBY)

Today began with all the usual joyful routines.

The day was mostly about the power of coaching and OLEVI. During which time an interesting conversation happened between myself and L. She told me of a walk she had had by a canal, one which found her close to midnight on a bridge with a badger. A badger that would not move. A steadfast badger. Regardless of her dog, this furry mammal stood there in the dark between bush and canal. How does one get past a steadfast badger, in the dark, with a dog, next to water? We discussed the ferocious nature of badgers. I was happy she didn't end up with rabies. The funny thing that made us laugh a lot, was this comment "it's surprising how tall badgers are, I mean usually you don't see them stood up, they are often dead on the floor".

This lead us to a story about her friend who had photographed a white duck which they thought was actually an albino duck, turns out they had never seen a white duck before.

The close of our afternoon contemplations was about dogs, do they sweat? Apparently through their paws.

I took photos for my passport after work. I looked criminal. I looked like I had and eye disorder. I looked slightly wonky. It gave me only 3 options. I went for wonky, at least my eyes were open, I think that counts for something. At the checkout, J and I discussed how girls over think boys, and the girl at the checkout told us a story that her friends boyfriend told her she should juice to get rid of her spots or try a new face cream. I'm not sure why she shared this with us, she was outraged. It was strange but entertaining.

Currently I am harbouring all of our cat food in the front room. We have a pest. We call that pest FAT BOBBY. FAT BOBBY comes and eats all of our food. This cat is the fattest cat I have ever seen. Last night it ate all the food I hid on the worktop. I feel angry at FAT BOBBY. I can't afford to keep feeding this wilder beast. It eats and eats.

Short drawing story

A short story:

Barry the life model, was a very long thin man, with a frame of a body which folded in odd ways. He had a very a large nose. His level of requests were particularly thorough. "the mat for the floor, the last one was much too thin, a lady said she would bring me some bean bags... Are you going to keep me in that position long? I just don't want to be kept in that position for too long..." He continued for some time.  "Don't worry" said the lecturer "I never keep anyone in the same position for too long - I like to chop and change you."

Barry had a facinating mouth, which I spent the afternoon drawing. These drawings became more and more humourous. My eyes were tired from exploring his lines.

Wanderlust

        On a day
when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.
Today is such a
day.

Rumi

It's not a secret that I love Rumi's poems. He speaks to my heart. Today I was reminded of the poem above. Yesterday I thought too much about lots of things. I am a vessel, which is moving from one point to another. My purpose is to swim, cutting through water, flowing as one form. I sometimes get quite lost. I spent the whole day sailing today. When I am there, on the water, I feel a sense of wholeness, and peace moving through me. The boat slicing through the water, moving with the power of the wind: there is something very real and very grounded in that. I am reminded of the very visceral nature of being human. I felt like some of my over thought questions were answered.

On the way home J and I laughed at a man who was so incredibly excited to reach the top of a staircase before his friend. He was actually punching the air. It was a thing of pure joy! 

I am still listening to Fela Kuti and dreaming of travel.

that's my jam (and crackers) man!

The end of the day brings Yoga, red wine, Fela Kuti and some time with Pablo Neruda. I mean kapow to all those lovely things. I spent the day catching up with washing and other jobs. J and I went over to MAC and wondered around the new exhibition of local artists from art schools. There was a really great video with Afro hair and a sculpture that was also made from hair which looked like a mushroom cloud. I fell in love with some altered chairs which have been modified using only themselves, they became creature-esque, go and see it. We had some food at the Mac and spent the time watching people talking around us and the change in light on the trees through the rectangular Windows. It was very magical. The birds were flying in great sky circles. We wished we'd had our sketchbooks!

 J and I played hide and seek in home sense which was absolutely hilarious. She kept calling me, stalker-like and telling me co-ordinates to her location. Mostly I enjoyed talking to her about her week at school and what had been going on in her world. we had to do some shopping on the way home. It was very busy. We didn't enjoy this, but made our best efforts to find joy by singing spice girls and throwing our best shapes across the car park non the less. Today was quite ordinary, but full of lovely conversations. My favourite quote of the day (whilst singing in the car) "that's my jam (and crackers) man". I guess it was one of those 'you had to be there moments'. We were there and it was very very good. #talkingisneveroverrated

Two funny things turned into three...

Some things that made me laugh today...

1. A student had to excuse themselves in the middle of a lino cutting session "to go and fart outside" and stuck their back end outside the double doors to do so. The look on her face was hilarious.

2. My daughter taught me to change my pants without actually exposing myself- she hashtagged this #lifehacks! I love my daughter, she is everything good I know about life.

3. Remembering my favourite joke during staff development on healthy eating and sharing it with C: I love humus so much I could be a humusexual.

Exchanges

Alarm 5.30:

Yoga 5.45... Sometimes I think it's unnecessary to get out of bed straight away. I mean who does that alarm think it is anyway..? 

I made lunch for J. I practiced perfect wrap rolling. Tight and cylindrical. Packed with green joy, cous cous and tomatoes. The colour was particularly beautiful, complimentary red and green. I listened to 6music, as I do most mornings.

I had bus duty, it was raining, a lot. My hair got very wet, I liked it. I like being out in the weather. The day was mostly about paper work. the effect of this made me slightly hysterical. C and I had a game of tig in the studio, C scared me so much I laughed so hard I could not breathe. Ha! Joy! 

This evening I went over to ESP write club. It was hard to chose what to talk about in terms of my writing. I guess I couldn't help but tell the stories about the post office, the monk and getting stuck on the gate yesterday. There was another woman there that was also writing about people who make things. I really enjoyed her description of the glass blower man. Listening to other talk about their writing and their work made me feel less afraid to write and also more interested in reading different kinds of writing. during the discussion, a little mouse ran through the space. A tiny friend.

I walked through digbeth in the dark to get back to the car. Some of the spaces reminded me of walking through New York. I found a short cut through a deserted car park. There was a moment when I was in the middle of the space (probably about the size of a football field) that I considered that it could be a good place to mug someone. I ran the rest of the way and jumped the puddles, laughing! naturally I had to listen to Aretha on the way home. I couldn't think of anything better to end the day on! Writing. Woman power. Independence. And the realisation that really everything I do comes down to my interest in human beings. Observing. Writing. Listening. Talking.

                                          Digbeth wonders

Doing

A list:

Alarm

Shower

Breakfast

Tea (with A- Monday rituals)

Door

Gate (trapped)

Walk

Trees

Magpies (2)

D&E

Peggar woman 

Paper umberellas

Fridas eye brows

Observation

Tomato seeds

Muddy carpet

Lost keys

Paper work

Teaching

Marking

Walking 

Shopping

Broccoli

Chickpeas

Cooking

Washing up

6music

Yoga

Wine

Tapestries

I didn't have time to write yesterday. It was very full and fast. We went to visit A on tour in York. J and I love travelling together, we spend a lot of time laughing and getting up to no good. This is one of many things I enjoy about being her mother. She is very funny and talks a lot about different things she's interested in. When we got to York A took us the the theatre so we would know where to come back to. Visiting theatres is often exciting, backstages are mazes and they all smell like History. Don't ask me to describe this, it just is what it is. J and I wondered in and out of shops in the shambles, watched a man eat fire and escape a straight jacket whilst rapped in chains- we later went out for food with the cast.

When we went back to A's digs on the evening, we walked through the city in the dark, it's one of my favourite things to do at night (walking through new cities). I wondered about the different houses and who was in bed, what their lives were like in York. The house we stayed in had 3 floors, filled with paintings and prints and poetry. The lady who owned the house spoke through her collections. I could not help but feel like we were friends. She had left a note and a banana on the bed for J. I liked her already. In the morning she left us a tray of star shaped biscuits, tea and cups. It felt a little magical; Sitting in the bed reading poetry and seeing the bare branches of trees through the condensed window. I began to think about the lady I wanted to become. The lady of this house who had scratchy woollen blankets like my gran, and mismatched cups continued to speak to me. In her bathroom, poetry and art covered the walls, bright yellow tiles, flowers and literature everywhere. Through these things she told me she was alive. She was listening. She was open to conversation. I spent time looking and trying to absorb this strangers messages. She had a voice to be listened to and I wanted to hear it.  

In the kitchen at breakfast I noticed some small collections of pebbles... And I knew then that I had to write to her and share these thoughts I had about how the tapestry of her life, had moved me. Her world was about stories and living and not about stuff and things. she was warm like the sun.

Macrame macramooooo

walking back to the car this morning, from an early trip to the post office collection desk (macrame macramooooo day of dreams!) I found this... Tiny... Little ... Fellow of joy!!!

I wonder how he got to a shabby car pack or an industrial estate, where did he come from? Where is he going? These are questions I ask myself regularly. I also picked up a guide on what is legally allowed through the postal service (after yesterday's post office hilarity!) have not read it yet- maybe I'll read one tip a day and share it with you ? It made me laugh. I found a beautiful piece of piano music that I wish I knew how to share from the sound cloud... Will look into that one further... Tech never really was my friend. I continue to flirt with it, in hope it will applaud my advances. The weather was beautiful then grey. I think that's ok though. It is Friday after all and how can we be sad on Fridays? 

25.2.16 Thuroemsday

Parts of the stretch 

From most picturesque ...

Sl-eeeeeee-per 

               g-l-i-d-e-sThrough

That's fine,

 be gently(rocked) to sleep

You:awake

Morning.arresting.coupled to another.

Spectacular, soaring peaks...

Another beautiful frosty morning walking to work. Along the way I see moss growing along the top of the wall, covered in delicate ice. We are working on experimental surfaces so I took a photo to send to my group. It was quite an ordinary day, meetings and teaching. I was unable to resist telling my groups about the post office story from yesterday. Some of us made poems from found text: deleting parts of sentence which we did not like (see above). We talked about the sounds we loved and how they could be described; the sound of cleaning brushes in cups of water, is lapping waves and sea adventures if whisked hard enough. The clash of the waves against rock and shore. Some of my favourite things, conjured from dirty paint water.

Wednesday 24th February: Postal offerings

Today started with getting up late. New phone. New alarm. Forgetful me. Didn't check... Oops! I made the decision to embrace the lateness of my day. I woke with the light, which shimmered blue through the window. My favourite colour. A morning sparkling with the frost,  how could I feel anything other than excited about it?  I walked to work feeling cold, enjoying the chill on my face. I spent most of my time working with staff today, discussing teaching and learning. I am always amazed and amused by discussions in these sessions and how passionate others are about education. I finally got around to posting B's birthday gift (almost a month late! Must get better at posting) - at the post office I chatted to the man behind the screen, he asked what was in the parcel. I asked him what was the strangest thing he had ever received at the post office: Boobs (inserts for false ones!), human ashes and urine (still warm!) this made me laugh a lot!! I picked up some almond milk on the way back and ran into a lady I worked with who was helping another lady at the self serve check out. I admired her patience and kindness. she nodded and said 'it's like being back at work!'.



               Oh... And voodoo grass X

Tuesday 23rd February 2016 : colour me yellow

colour me 
             yellow

   I n h a l e
E x h a l e

      fizzing and a swirling 
Warmth, glowing radiant, bright, brighter.

A
Slow
Pa-tt-ering 
of rain 
against 
the pane soft (softer)
And oh the stirring-of-air
between my lungs. 

Monday 22nd February 2016. Tea.Paw.Lift.Write.

Today started as always. My husband made me a cup of tea before I left for work, but the cat managed to find her paw in it. The thought of her paw in my tea was slightly repulsive. Had to let the tea go... I cleared out the office space. I found some interesting poetry I had written, an old print, some drawings of rings, crab claws, seed pods, and some photocopies of flowers given to me by a beautiful lady. Naturally I spent 20 mins chasing D and E around the studio with sticks pretending to be a witch who could not see. The sticks found repetitive surfaces to run along and made for interesting music. The sun today was particularly beautiful which lit the studio in a yellow glow which filled my soul with joy.  Block 3 lift broke down again and made for an interesting opportunity to write a beat poem in protest with a student who needed to use the lift to get to the second floor. We laughed and laughed until we could not breathe. I listened to some presentations. I picked up my new phone and wrote this. I am glad that after weeks of being in techno darkness that I can write again. In one of my emails was an invitation to a write club #2 at ESP .